Serenity Now Strikes Again

Does this sound familiar to anyone else besides me:

• You spend all day running around like a chicken with your head cut off but you can't really ever seem to do more in life than simply tread water
• The stress of not being able to accomplish all of the items on your "To Do" list has more than taken over your life
• You spend the night tossing and turning trying to figure out just how you are going to get everything done in the morning
• Once the morning alarm goes off, you can't really find the strength/courage/energy to properly tackle another day
• Things that you would normally do to "reset"  yourself are no longer done with passion or joy
• Your emotions, like your schedule, are all over the place
• You lash out at your spouse, kids, family, friends...pets? Sometimes for things that really don't warrant your reaction
• Your self-doubt has reached a whole 'nutha level: Debilitating

Anyone? Anyone? OK, so unlike myself, maybe you haven't experienced all of these things simultaneously, but I'm guessing that at some point in the not so distant past you have experienced at least one of these things. And maybe that one thing was really, really intense. While we're both being so honest, I can tell you that I've been struggling (majorly) with adjusting to my new life as a wife and as a full-time artist. You know that "flight or flight" response that physiologically we have to stress or trauma? Well, I freeze and I've been frozen in fear that breeds anxiety and self-doubt, and I've been stuck there for months. So to help combat what I am calling the "Stagnant Frenzy" I am choosing to start my fight from the inside out. Literally - my battle begins at the cellular level. 

I have been a long time user of doTERRA essential oils. If you're not familiar with doTERRA, click here to learn about their Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade standards which originally prompted me to purchase their oils years ago. I wanted to look for an essential oil or combination of essential oils (called blends) that would help promote a sense of well-being and calmness in me as well as stimulate my creative passions. The essential oils that I started using daily have made a great impact on me so I wanted to share them with anyone else that may be experiencing their own "Stagnant Frenzy."

Serenity - promotes restful sleep (something I was struggling with) and evokes a sense of peace. This oil has been my go to oil whenever I am experiencing anxiety or extreme stress or emotions that I am having trouble processing. I lovingly refer to this oil as my tranq dart because of it's calming effect. It also works wonders on my dog when she is out of control - which is often.
Balance - promotes whole-body relaxation, evokes feeling of tranquility and balance. This oil has helped to emotionally ground me which allows me to get outside of my own head to see "the bigger picture." This is my gear shifter oil. 

Elevation - mood elevation, stimulates and revitalizes the mind and body. This oil is amazing! It's my To Do list crusher! I wish I had this oil back when I was working the grave shift - I could have used the oil instead of drinking all those 5-hour energy drinks that spiked my heart rate and blood pressure to alarming levels.

 

 

I have integrated these oils into my daily routine, but they also work wonders throughout the day for as needed applications so I keep small vials in my purse for when I'm out and about. 

This is the first of many small steps in my ongoing battle with the "Stagnant Frenzy" - and I'm sure that I'll write about the things that I'm doing to elevate my creative efforts a midst this chaos. So if you're interested in hearing more about doTERRA or seeing what other paths I'm exploring on this creative journey, please subscribe to this blog and stay tuned.

Mand'e

 

I Am Enough

For years, decades even, I have been walking down a path in my life that does not directly correlate to the things that I am passionate about. And when I say "things that I am passionate about", I am referring to the things that are the core of my soul - the things that define who I am by no one else's definition but my own. 

My passions, while important, have always played a supporting role to whatever was going on in my life. I have allowed myself to fore go realizing my dreams for a variety of reasons - well, let's be honest here - they are not reasons, they are excuses. Whatever I choose to call them, the end result is the same. By choosing NOT to realize the dreams that I have for myself, I am living in a constant state of disconnect. And this disconnect has started to manifest itself in me physically and mentally I am exhausted. 

I recently forced myself to take ownership of the poor choices that I have made that have lead me to this point in my life, specifically in my career. When I invest so much of my time and energy every day engaging in things that do not fulfill me, it should be of no surprise that I feel so unsatisfied and invalidated.

This week, I fought the demons inside my head on this issue and gave myself permission to do the things that I love. I eliminated a huge obstacle to making that happen - with no safety net in place. I'm trusting my gut and surrendering to the process of exploring my passions and though the path ahead of me is uncertain, I am committing to living more in line with what my soul desires. 

I have never given myself this opportunity on this kind of level before. I am both excited and terrified at the same time, and it sways back and forth frequently throughout the day. For those of you who have been in the same position as I am, or for those of you who are currently fulfilling your passions every day, I would love it if you shared your journey with me.  

52 Days And Counting

Wedding planning is in full swing here in the Opheikens-Browning household. And when I say that it's in full swing, I mean that we are both desperately scrambling to get the things done that we know how to do and to outsource the things that we don't know how to do. We are both very good procrastinators. But, we have solicited the help of some really great friends and family to whittle down the wedding check lists. The good news is that we have been able to get a lot done and my little pyro-Ginger gets to burn things with her new wood burner. Life is good. 

It occurred to me that I only have 52 days left of being Mande Opheikens. After I say I do - I become Mande Browning. I'm swirling around emotionally in the tail end of an epic era - Mande Opheikens is a pretty bad ass name. MO will be missed, that is for sure. But long live MB. I've been practicing my new signature and the transition from the w to the n has left me completely stumped. No matter what I do, it never seems to look right. And for me, or anyone that is as obsessed with their handwriting as I am, that's a pretty big deal. It's funny how much my signature has changed. How much I have changed. I look around sometimes at my life and wonder how I got here. What did I do in a past life to get so lucky? I have everything that I've ever wanted or asked for and yet my heart and my soul are still full of so much happiness and hope for the future. For our future together. Being in love with Danielle has proven to me that it's never too late to find your happy place. She is my happy place and I cannot wait to be married to her. 

Sincerely,
Simply Smitten in San Rafael

Revisiting

Recently, I have been forced to revisit some unpleasant memories that have been tucked away in the back of a vault. It has brought to the surface a lot of alarmingly intense emotions, many of which have overwhelmed me and brought out the worst in me. But amongst all of the swirling chaos has been sweet , sweet release. Those memories are years old. Decades even. And in experiencing them, I can release them from my heart.

Well, at least that's what I tell myself when I am freaking out in the middle of the night with tears pouring out of me like a waterfall.

I'm lucky though. In moments like this, I have amazing friends that will tell me if I'm being a jerk face. They validate me and what I am feeling first then they tell me to pull my shit together and lock it up. And I have the kind heart of a soulless ginger wifey that puts me in my place and challenges me every day then tries to cuddle with me at night like she loves me in spite of how awful I can be sometimes. I have family members that offer assistance based on the principle that I deserve to have everything I want. My life, in these contexts, is blessed.

Yes. Things could be so much worse than they are right now. The flip side of that is that things can always be so much better too. And tonight, I like the hope that the second one brings.

The first step is always a doosie

Unintentionally, I brought the plague with me from Utah. Bronchitis kicked my trash for the 2 weeks before the move and these Californians didn't stand a chance once I was here. So, I spent the first 3 weeks in California taking care of Danielle and Warren (our roommate). I made medicine runs to the store, did one bajillion loads of laundry, and cleaned a house that always seemed to be dirty. Danielle can be a difficult patient to work with and a part of me died every time that she told me that she was hungry....clearly I'm not adjusting well to the new gluten-free diet. When I'm sick, I load myself full of hot lemonade and saltine crackers and it usually only takes a few days for me to start feeling better. She loads herself full of water and wafers that taste like soil and spent literally spent 2 weeks home in bed and/or complaining on the couch. (slight exaggeration) So just when I thought that things were going to turn around with Christmas right around the corner, the Universe opened up the giant bag of tricks and started throwing some curve balls at me. We (foolishly) decided to head to Portland, Oregon after Christmas to clean out my storage unit that I have had for about 6 years - making it the first time in my adult life where everything that I own is in one location. The plan was to drive to Oregon, clean out the unit & stay overnight, then drive back to her Dad's house in Biggs. The Universe had different plans and promptly delivered food poisoning about 4 hours away from reaching Portland. Danielle channeled her inner demons and delivered a very compelling impersonation of The Exorcist and all forward progress came to a screeching halt in Roseburg, Oregon where we had to stop for the night. I was sent on another medicine/food run - and let me just say that finding gluten-free food under normal circumstances is quite difficult, but in BFE Oregon it's damn near impossible. I made the impossible happen when I managed to find some gluten-free soup & the soil wafer crackers that she likes then I spent the rest of the evening eating away my feelings by chowing down on Wendy's - slurping up the fries and savoring every last morsel of gluten possible. About 5 hours later, my head hung over the toilet in the hotel, I vowed to never eat food again and promised to make myself a better person by embracing the gluten-free lifestyle. The next 48 hours were a blur - a disgusting, smelly blur - where between the two of us we only drank about 6 oz of water total. We cleaned out the stupid storage unit & headed back towards California, only making it to Eugene before the exhaustion kicked in. What should have been an overnight trip with possible excursions to Multnomah Falls outside of Portland turned into a repulsive 2 night/3 day trip from hell. Combined, we lost about 14 pounds in 2 days. "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight" for the wedding. So thumbs up there, I guess.

Despite all of these things, the Universe had plenty of wonderful things in store for us during our 1st month living together. We spent Christmas with Danielle's family where Danielle sustained only a mild concussion after falling off of her nephew's scooter & everyone learned that Alli likes me way more than Danielle. We rang in the New Year with our first official dinner date at The Melting Pot, compliments of a very generous benefactor in Utah (THANK YOU!!!) We spent New Year's Day exploring the beaches along Highway 1 where I spent the day in flip flops and shorts on the beach kicking waves - which is basically my most favorite thing to do in the history of ever. Danielle had also arranged for us to stay overnight in the City and bought us tickets to go see The Book of Mormon at the Orpheum Theater. She did a fantastic job of putting everything together and we had an amazing time on our second official date. In fact, she's going to have a very hard time topping that date because it was the most romantic, thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me.

2013 turned out to be one of the most important years of my life thus far, but 2014 is looking to be even more amazing! I can't wait for what the Universe has in store for us this year! Cheers!

Mande & Danielle