Revisiting

Recently, I have been forced to revisit some unpleasant memories that have been tucked away in the back of a vault. It has brought to the surface a lot of alarmingly intense emotions, many of which have overwhelmed me and brought out the worst in me. But amongst all of the swirling chaos has been sweet , sweet release. Those memories are years old. Decades even. And in experiencing them, I can release them from my heart.

Well, at least that's what I tell myself when I am freaking out in the middle of the night with tears pouring out of me like a waterfall.

I'm lucky though. In moments like this, I have amazing friends that will tell me if I'm being a jerk face. They validate me and what I am feeling first then they tell me to pull my shit together and lock it up. And I have the kind heart of a soulless ginger wifey that puts me in my place and challenges me every day then tries to cuddle with me at night like she loves me in spite of how awful I can be sometimes. I have family members that offer assistance based on the principle that I deserve to have everything I want. My life, in these contexts, is blessed.

Yes. Things could be so much worse than they are right now. The flip side of that is that things can always be so much better too. And tonight, I like the hope that the second one brings.

The first step is always a doosie

Unintentionally, I brought the plague with me from Utah. Bronchitis kicked my trash for the 2 weeks before the move and these Californians didn't stand a chance once I was here. So, I spent the first 3 weeks in California taking care of Danielle and Warren (our roommate). I made medicine runs to the store, did one bajillion loads of laundry, and cleaned a house that always seemed to be dirty. Danielle can be a difficult patient to work with and a part of me died every time that she told me that she was hungry....clearly I'm not adjusting well to the new gluten-free diet. When I'm sick, I load myself full of hot lemonade and saltine crackers and it usually only takes a few days for me to start feeling better. She loads herself full of water and wafers that taste like soil and spent literally spent 2 weeks home in bed and/or complaining on the couch. (slight exaggeration) So just when I thought that things were going to turn around with Christmas right around the corner, the Universe opened up the giant bag of tricks and started throwing some curve balls at me. We (foolishly) decided to head to Portland, Oregon after Christmas to clean out my storage unit that I have had for about 6 years - making it the first time in my adult life where everything that I own is in one location. The plan was to drive to Oregon, clean out the unit & stay overnight, then drive back to her Dad's house in Biggs. The Universe had different plans and promptly delivered food poisoning about 4 hours away from reaching Portland. Danielle channeled her inner demons and delivered a very compelling impersonation of The Exorcist and all forward progress came to a screeching halt in Roseburg, Oregon where we had to stop for the night. I was sent on another medicine/food run - and let me just say that finding gluten-free food under normal circumstances is quite difficult, but in BFE Oregon it's damn near impossible. I made the impossible happen when I managed to find some gluten-free soup & the soil wafer crackers that she likes then I spent the rest of the evening eating away my feelings by chowing down on Wendy's - slurping up the fries and savoring every last morsel of gluten possible. About 5 hours later, my head hung over the toilet in the hotel, I vowed to never eat food again and promised to make myself a better person by embracing the gluten-free lifestyle. The next 48 hours were a blur - a disgusting, smelly blur - where between the two of us we only drank about 6 oz of water total. We cleaned out the stupid storage unit & headed back towards California, only making it to Eugene before the exhaustion kicked in. What should have been an overnight trip with possible excursions to Multnomah Falls outside of Portland turned into a repulsive 2 night/3 day trip from hell. Combined, we lost about 14 pounds in 2 days. "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight" for the wedding. So thumbs up there, I guess.

Despite all of these things, the Universe had plenty of wonderful things in store for us during our 1st month living together. We spent Christmas with Danielle's family where Danielle sustained only a mild concussion after falling off of her nephew's scooter & everyone learned that Alli likes me way more than Danielle. We rang in the New Year with our first official dinner date at The Melting Pot, compliments of a very generous benefactor in Utah (THANK YOU!!!) We spent New Year's Day exploring the beaches along Highway 1 where I spent the day in flip flops and shorts on the beach kicking waves - which is basically my most favorite thing to do in the history of ever. Danielle had also arranged for us to stay overnight in the City and bought us tickets to go see The Book of Mormon at the Orpheum Theater. She did a fantastic job of putting everything together and we had an amazing time on our second official date. In fact, she's going to have a very hard time topping that date because it was the most romantic, thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me.

2013 turned out to be one of the most important years of my life thus far, but 2014 is looking to be even more amazing! I can't wait for what the Universe has in store for us this year! Cheers!

Mande & Danielle