Revisiting

Recently, I have been forced to revisit some unpleasant memories that have been tucked away in the back of a vault. It has brought to the surface a lot of alarmingly intense emotions, many of which have overwhelmed me and brought out the worst in me. But amongst all of the swirling chaos has been sweet , sweet release. Those memories are years old. Decades even. And in experiencing them, I can release them from my heart.

Well, at least that's what I tell myself when I am freaking out in the middle of the night with tears pouring out of me like a waterfall.

I'm lucky though. In moments like this, I have amazing friends that will tell me if I'm being a jerk face. They validate me and what I am feeling first then they tell me to pull my shit together and lock it up. And I have the kind heart of a soulless ginger wifey that puts me in my place and challenges me every day then tries to cuddle with me at night like she loves me in spite of how awful I can be sometimes. I have family members that offer assistance based on the principle that I deserve to have everything I want. My life, in these contexts, is blessed.

Yes. Things could be so much worse than they are right now. The flip side of that is that things can always be so much better too. And tonight, I like the hope that the second one brings.